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Are you prepared for a roadside emergency? Things the insurance company neglected to

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Are you prepared for a roadside emergency? Things the insurance company neglected to

  #1  
Old 05-30-2016, 03:01 PM
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Default Are you prepared for a roadside emergency? Things the insurance company neglected to

Not everyone may need these items, but people in different regions of the country who drive their cars for different reasons and under different climate conditions may need some of these things.
Read them over, and do a little research to see if they meet your needs for your kind of driving.

Item 1- Really tough tires
Life is full of potholes! and inattentive motorists that might require you to swerve and slide.

To keep control while avoiding a careless driver, consider trading in those M+S tires for some UW HC airless tires, such as those mounted on this partly-armored HumVee.

Yes, initial cost is higher, but when it comes to durability, these guys win hands down. No need to worry if these dogs can hunt when the time comes, they are even impervious to Type B2 7.62 x 54mm Russian sniper rounds.

Those rounds will go right through that overinflated Michelin man, but they won’t stop you from rolling forward to complete your mission, even if it’s as mundane as Doritos from 7-Eleven! The cartels swear by ‘em!
 
Attached Thumbnails Are you prepared for a roadside emergency? Things the insurance company neglected to-pic-1-humvee_npt01.jpg  
  #2  
Old 05-30-2016, 03:21 PM
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Item 2- Double-thick Kevlar door cladding

Sometimes you get in one of those unexpected traffic jams where tempers flare and things happen.

That's when you'll breathe a silent prayer of relief that you opted for double thick Kevlar door cladding and transparent window armor (seealso below).

Most door cladding is pretty unimaginative and rarely includes the more sophisticated items like RG-62 fiber+wire netting that even stops microwave radiation from damaged missile tagging systems that might be directed at you to paint the car for a "smart" missile.

Well, with this patented double clad with options, you can outsmart the "smart" munitions in 116 out of 134 countries that have them! Suck failure, Ivan!

Made from Genuine Plochka E 12478 stolen from the Serbian army by our best industrial spies!

That kind of confidence is definitely worth the extra money!
 
Attached Thumbnails Are you prepared for a roadside emergency? Things the insurance company neglected to-pic-2-kevlar.png  
  #3  
Old 05-30-2016, 03:38 PM
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Item 3- Transparent bullet resistant window armor.

Forget thicker windows. Forget multiple laminations. That's so 20th century!

Nowadays you need transparent window armor made from crystallized alloys in which cutting edge processes combine aluminum, magnesium and molybdenum to form the crystal that makes clear sapphire go positively green with envy.

Notice we do specify " bullet-resistant." Please read the warranty.

Since 30mm Vulcan anti-tank rounds are hardly small arms, you cannot expect this level of protection to fend off an attack by a squadron of Apaches or a formation of Hind Model D vertoletiy. We can do a lot, but we can't work miracles!

But we still offer the finest window armor on the planet! Next time an armed bike comes out of a corner at your car, take heart! He ain 't got a chance!
 
Attached Thumbnails Are you prepared for a roadside emergency? Things the insurance company neglected to-armed_bikes_1.jpg  
  #4  
Old 05-30-2016, 03:48 PM
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Default Item 5 Firearms that make a fashion statement

It's ok to have that cute Kel-Tec in your clutch or even on a garter holster, but what about when you need to leave the car and make a definitive statement!

There are some tried and true items which the well-armed woman can use based upon need and personal prfeference. It's not like we all have to drag that Desert Eagle 44 with us everywhere we go.

Three popular choices:

The Trejo Mexican MP: smallest in the world. For the dainty touch that means business

The Uzi "midinette" a small but oy! assertive statement

The Russian Stechkin: like some mistresses, a little high maintenance.

A vous de choisir, all good choices.
 
Attached Thumbnails Are you prepared for a roadside emergency? Things the insurance company neglected to-pic-5-trejo.jpg  
  #5  
Old 05-30-2016, 04:02 PM
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Default Item 6: when you need privacy

Sometimes you need to get away from reporters, marketing people, sales reps and people that just want to take up youir time.

Solution? Easy

Go to Walmart and buy a couple boxes of these.

Get the large economy box of mixed sizes so that you can handle every car, big or small, with just a few tosses out the side window as you drive.

Ah! Peace and quiet at last!!

Well, I guess my little satirical thread has been shut down by the censors. Hope you enjoyed it as a departure from another marketing ploy by the endless lines of sales people that have sprung on the Internet.
 
  #6  
Old 05-30-2016, 04:11 PM
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This is what I wanted to add, along with a bear trap
 
Attached Thumbnails Are you prepared for a roadside emergency? Things the insurance company neglected to-when-you-need-your-privacy.jpg  
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