Alright, so I have a Volvo. It's brown. More specifically, it's a 1978 245, and it's more of a burnt senia. It's been sitting unmoved but not unloved, waiting patiently for me to complete its head replacement. I finally got it all put back together (it took dozens of bicycle trips to various auto stores, shacks, zones, and repositories, each of which I thought would get me the last washer, gasket, tool, or part that I'd need) but when it was time to start it up the battery was dead.

Whereas when I started the project I disconnected the battery to keep the clock from draining it, I subsequently reconnected it for some reason and left it like that for three months without noticing. When I tried to jump it, it still cranked too slowly to start the engine and the lights were still dim. My friend said it was just a really dead battery and would need to be connected to a running car for a while before it was charge. I've drained a lot of batteries in my time and my car has always been able to start seconds after being connected to a charged battery. But he's smarter than me so I heeded his advice, and when we returned to the car later it cranked just fine, and started up.

After letting it warm up and re-torquing the head bolts, it still started up fine and I took off for a test drive. I had the fan on as I was driving, and it kept speeding up and slowing down. Then after five minutes the car started bucking and wouldn't idle, the fan and the radio stopped, and the turn signal arrows wouldn't light up. If at this point the dash lights came on to indicate that the battery was not charging, they would have been too dim to see in the bright sunlight so I don't know if they did. When taken out of gear it would die and the starter would crank too slowly to start. An amusing thing to note at this point is that I am fantastic at heel-and-toe, I certainly can't down shift while braking, but I can brake, clutch, and keep my toe on the gas to keep an ailing engine from dying with ease. The type of car I tend to drive requires that I perform the latter more than the former.

A couple of days later turning the key would click the starter and turn so slowly you couldn't hear it. When jumped, the starter would turn slowly. When disconnected from its own battery and connected to a running car via jumper cables the starter would turn slowly, then the dash lights would brighten and the starter would turn normally, then the lights would dim again and the starter would slow down.

So, the alternator in this car has always been suspect, but the only times it's definitely malfunctioned has been when it was soaked by a leaking seal on the waterpump. The battery has been abused, came with the car and lacks a date. The only thing it says on it is "Budget Batteries, Surrey B.C." The voltage regulator I suspect just because it's the only other major part of the electrical system I can think of that might cause this problem. I'm asking you guys because I don't have a lot of money and I'm a long way from the junkyard, I wanna replace the most likely suspect first.

 

All the dash lights and battery not charging does sound like the alternator. I had a similar problem when I first got the 240. Come to find out, there was a little piece of broken metal that fell into the alternator and was shorting it.

Wait for the experts to get on.

 

I was having a similar problem about a week ago. The car would turn over a couple times, but not start. I had it jumped and it ran alright, but the radio kept turning off and back on and the temp and fuel gauges were giving incorrect readings. I parked somewhere and tried to re-start the car, but the battery was completely dead. It turned out to be the voltage regulator, which was a relief because I fixed it for $25 instead of $200. It's easy to get to without removing the alternator and a cheap part, so I'd recommend starting there.

 

Fantastic, that's exactly what I wanted to hear. Of course in reality all three need to be replaced, the battery's abused and the alternator's ancient. But hopefully I can coax a little more life out of those two and just replace the voltage regulator for now. Time for a junkyard adventure. Junkventch.

 

You can get a cheap digital volt meter for about 3 bucks. Jump start the car, if you can, and check the voltage on the battery. Depending on how dead the battery is, it should climb fairly quickly to at least 13.5 volts (14 or so is better) if the alternator is putting out. You can also switch on the headlights and see if they get brighter when you rev the engine. If they do, the alternator is probably ok.

My guess is that the battery has sulfated on you. You can google Battery University and learn more than you ever wanted to know, about all kinds of batteries.