A magician was performing in front of a crowd of intoxicated patrons. He asked for a volunteer from the audience. Immediately a very blitzed guy jumps on the stage. The magician explains he wants the patron to take a sledge hammer and whack the magician on the head while is has his head on a magic table. The magician assures his volunteer that he is a professional magician and knows what he is doing. The guy grabs the sledge hammer and takes a mammoth swing......10 years later the magician wakes up in the hospital out of his coma. He sits up, looks at his nurse and yells,...."TA-DAH!!!!!!!)

S90

 

It is Thursday again. Anyone else have a joke? I got several, but no clean ones.

 

O.K. since no one else is stepping up to the plate here is a not so dirty one:

There are 2 cowboys out riding the range. One is from Texas and the other is from California. They are out checking for holes in the fence, and they come upon a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. Well the Texas cowboy jumps down off his horse, pulls down his pants, and has his way with the sheep. When he's done, he backs up, pulls up his pants, looks at the California cowboy, and says, "Allright pilgrim, its your turn". So the California cowboy hops down, pulls down his pants, and............................................... ................................sticks his head in the fence.

HA

If you are from Texas, you can change the first one to be from maybe Oklahoma or somewhere. If you are from California, well you're probably laughing harder than the rest of us.

 

Well, now its Friday but,

A Jew a Christian and a Muslim walk into a bar......



And another;
http://pics.livejournal.com/weev/pic/0000521x/g3

 

An executive gets word that profits are down and he must let someone go. He decides that he will let Jack or Debra go the next morning. he cannot decide which will be canned because they are equally qualified and bothe do a decent job. He decides that the first one to visit the watercooler the next day will be the one to get fired.

Debra had been out drinking the night before and headed for the watercooler first thing so she could take some aspirin. The executive heads over to her and says "Debra, I am very sorry and I have never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off". Debra replies "Can you Jack Off because I feel like **** today?"

I thought it was funny.

 

Anyone else?

 

A guy staggers into a bar,jumps on a stool,asks for a shot and says to the bartender "You wanna here a Blonde Joke?' About that time the woman beside him says"Excuse me sir, I am 175 pounds, know karate, and am a Blonde. The lady sitting over there is 200 pounds, plays prfessional hockey and is a Blonde. The lady walking in is 205, a pro wrestler and is a Blonde. Now, do you still want to tell that Blonde joke? The guy thinks a minute and says "Nope. I don't want to repeat it three times."BJ

 

A couple has been married for 17 years and was having some problems, so they went for counseling. The counselor told them he wants to hear their problems starting from as far back as they could remember the problems starting. Well the woman said she would go first, and she started telling about problems from 15 years ago and just kept going on and on and on. The counselor gets up from behind the desk pulls her up out of her seat and proceeds to give her a very long passionate kiss and she sits down and does not say another word. He looks at the husband and said she needs that three times a week, can you do that? The husband says "Well I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but I go fishing on Friday".