So I've had some time and money, a dangerous combination for any volvo owner. Lol

I was able to get the car started and same issues as before.
Massive smoke from the exhaust and pressure inside the crankcase squirting oil everywhere.
Removed the dipstick and pcv egr hose from the intake, powerful rapid bursts of air pressure coming out of both. When the pressure is relieved from the engine the exhaust smoke subsides.

PCV can't be clogged with all that air coming out of it. right?
Not losing or gaining coolant, clean as can be.
No milky foam from inside the engine. Headgasket pretty much ruled out.
Idles pretty nicely once warmed up. Shuttering from engaging gear and reverse but it's been awhile since driven regularly.

Boost and vac seem alright. 20 vac and Got 10 psi but the engine probably squirted out 2 quarts of oil.

Some craigslist guy tried to convince me it was my turbo rebuild seals that went bad, he'd fix it for $200, lol I'm DIY but that doesn't make sense to me. Ideas?

 

Have you done a compression check, both dry and wet?

 

The PCV oil drain back to the sump is probably blocked and everything that is coming out of the blow-by gas port (PCV tank upper connection to the block) is being dumped in to the pipe going back to the inlet. Take the PCV tank off, connect a 5/8" hose to the lower connection port where the PCV tank couples to the engine and try blowing through it, if you can't hear bubbles from the oil in the sump it is blocked and needs clearing out - Mike

 

Last test I got numbers around 130, 150, 150, 150, 140 dry.

I'll do it wet and dry today. Makes me sick thinking about compression issues

 

I can see this ending with a mouthful of oil for me... will do though

 

The blocked PCV (black box) and an equally blocked engine block PCV system drain passage.
Seafoam isn't going to budge it if it's like this.

 

Those numbers are quite low; OH time IMO. But you've probably got more going on than just low compression..